Comparison

One of my favorite authors wrote a book several years ago:

“God designed us to delight in our actual lives. When I am growing toward the me I want to be, I am being freed from the me I pretend to be.”

[John Ortberg, The Me I Want to Be].

Let’s think about those two sentences.

First of all, on a scale of 1 to 5, would you say you actually delight in your actual life? 1 – not all all; 5 – delighting greatly. Where would you fall in that Leikert scale? I hope the answer is a 5? If not, why isn’t it higher?

Are you growing toward the you you want to be and are you freed from the you you pretend to be?

That would assume you’re projecting an image. You are working some impression management into your life, so you hope that others will see the you in you want them to see rather than being your authentic you.

Comparison kills growth on every level.

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In 1954, Dr. Leon Festinger developed social comparison theory. It is just that, a theory. He asserted in that area of counseling: Individuals determine their individual worth based on how they stack up against others. There may be some truth to this…

There were not the influences of today as there are today back in the 1950s. Here’s the problem:

We can evaluate [many things] by comparing it with others. What’s the danger in that? It can be a positive thing.

Comparison can be a good thing – ex. pediatric appointments – whether or not you are on track with other children of that age in that category.

Good competition can benefit us because it brings out the good in us.

[Ex. My father and basketball]

Healthy comparison pushes you to become better. It provides growth in your own ability and accomplishments.

It can become problematic. There are 3 different kinds of comparison.

Additional information on comparison indicates that there are 3 types of comparison:

1. Upward comparison – those who are better off (envy)
2. Lateral comparison – those at the same level (competition)
3. Downward comparison – those who are worse off (arrogance)

Whether we are looking upward, horizontally, or downward, we can land in places of envy, competition, or arrogance.

Principle of Slight Upward Comparison. Problem: Internal comparison – consciously or subconsciously – develop labels (winner/loser). Labels of identity.

How combat?

Comparison can be a good thing if it’s simple a benchmark for our own improvement in learning how to be better at something. Our motivation for comparing is good in that sense.This would be known as self-assessment.

Where comparison gets costly is when our motivation is for self-enhancement rather than self-assessment.

1. allow our vulnerabilities or what we are insecure about to expose our anger, shame, envy
2. artificially boost your ego

Psychology Today: “positional bias”

Fascination with celebrity culture or “influencers” resulting in endless comparisons as well as carefully manicured social media feeds, which may or may not be reality.

Social comparison – Facebook depression

Today’s culture this is a real problem. In the next podcast, what can we do to break this problem?

Remember: you are God’s masterpiece. You are one of a kind (physical being, life, family, husband). You have been called to love, be committed to, and be a steward of.

Join me next time as I speak how to speak, combat, and challenge comparison.