Chicken Wired World

This is Shirene Gentry. Welcome to the Identity Unveiled podcast.

I will, on occasion, deter from identity concepts and simply share what is currently on my mind. Today, I remember, recognize, and reflect on a topic that will, hopefully, give you pause to think as well in our world’s current state of affairs.

Please do not default to a false dichotomy in thinking that just because I am mentioning this topic, that I do not care for others’ health and safety. Nothing could be further from the truth. I’m simply asking you to think critically about this concept based on the ideas I’m sharing in this short podcast.

I am remembering examples in the field of psychology – distant in decades – that repeatedly resonate in my mind during this current global crisis, and how these studies intersect with the concept of social distancing. I am not here to debate; rather, I would like to present a topic as it pertains to the people in our lives who are emotionally close to us. And because the people in this closest rung of relationship are emotionally close to us, then what about the physical closeness in this certain age?

Many of you may be familiar with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages. One of the primary love languages is physical touch. Keep in mind that this love language is an emotional need.

How do you know if physical touch is your primary love language, even if you have another love language that is a close second? It is what you do for others – reaching out for a hug, a kiss on the check, a pat on the back or shoulders, or to hold or squeeze a hand. What you do for others is what you need for yourself.

A 2009 study by researcher Matthew Hertenstein and cited in Psychology Today indicates that physical touch can communicate multiple positive emotions: joy, love, gratitude, and sympathy.

Think about this in the context of what our world is now experiencing.

Loved ones bury their family members with a handful of people present.

These people need a special touch.

Sons and daughters not hugging their parents, for seemingly legitimate concerns based on their professions.

These people need a special touch.

Loved ones visit their family members in nursing homes on the other side of a window.

These people need a special touch.

Family members having surgeries or delivering babies without their significant others by their side.

These people need a special touch.

Loved ones celebrate life’s milestones – graduations and weddings – with or without peers and friends to physically share in the once in a lifetime event.

These people need a special touch.

A person who grieves the loss of a spouse before the COVID outbreak mentions that what is missed the most in the months following the loss: hugs.

So now the complicated process of grief for someone who is physically gone has become compounded with the recovery from grief by those who are physically present. A loss for not only who is not here, but also a loss with those who are here.

This person needs a special touch.

Grandparents and grandchildren have remained separated.

These people need a special touch.

As I take a distracted minute to scroll through Instagram, a photo of a couple married for 70 years were kept apart during quarantine were just reunited. I do not know the reasons they were kept apart. I will not debate the legitimate reasons that they were separated. My questions are this: Does the

emotional need override the physical necessity? Or does physical need override the emotional necessity?

Is there anything deep within the recesses of your soul that troubles you about this? What tips the scale in today’s world? It is easy to keep distant – emotionally and physically – with strangers or mere acquaintances. But what of physical contact with those who are closest to us?

A landmark study in the field of psychology were experiments by Harry Harlow, who researched the behaviors of rhesus monkeys. Specifically, he conducted numerous experiments regarding attachment – emotional attachment – between an infant and their mother.

In one particular study, a young monkey lived alone in a cage that contained two stationary figures. One of these figures was made out of wire mesh while the other was made out of terry cloth. The substitutionary wire “mother” provided milk, while the terry cloth “mother” offered no nourishment. Interestingly, the baby monkey would spend more time on the terry cloth figure and would cling to it if stressed or frightened which would occur if the experimenter provided a toy with clanking noises. Harlow called the monkey’s clinging to the substitutionary terry cloth “mother” as “contact comfort”.

The wire monkeys of today are food delivery and Zoom. No, let’s not settle in on a false dichotomy of thinking. Nor should we be lulled into falsely thinking that screens and sacks filled with food satisfy the social closeness we hunger for. We need to be with people. They provide the proverbial terry cloth that softens our hearts for community and connectedness in circumstances that can be harsh.

Where science is clear on distancing, science is also clear on closeness.

We are stressed and frightened enough, especially if jobs and careers have been lost. Or if the future is uncertain. One thing is certain: We need to cling

to those who love and care for us. May our wire mesh lives not keep us caged and distant from those who need a soft touch and contact comfort.

For that, we can be certain.