“GODFIDENCE”: KNOWING YOUR IDENTITY IMPROVES YOUR CONFIDENCE

Today I am discussing “Godfidence” – how your God-given identity and the separate issue of confidence are related. As growth in one area grows, so it grows in the other! I love how a friend of mine came up with this word.

[You may want to have two pieces of paper to draw out two sets of concentric circles, which I will later explain.]

Definition

Let’s first define “confidence”: the belief in one self, the conviction that one has the ability to meet life’s challenges and succeed, and the willingness to act accordingly” (Internet definition).

Do you feel that way? If not, let’s explore it and then gain it.

Where Does it Come From (or its lack)?

Let’s begin by painting with a really broad, brush stroke:

When you think about your life, what are those things either about you or that have happened to you that shape who you are?

When I was in graduate school, one of my professors provided a visual aid which was a picture of concentric circles diagramming the self which are the forces that shape one’s personality:

Inner circle: Image of God/Sin/Sin Nature/Holy Spirit/Human Spirit (this is where inner change occurs by the H.S. working and enlightening the very depths of our core).

Second circle from the center: Our soul (thinking, conscience, emotions, volition/choice)

Third circle from the center: Our physical bodies

Fourth circle: Temporal systems that influence us (family, friends, church, society, government, economy, education, views about God and self)

Fifth circle: Spiritual (God, angels, demons, satan)

These systems – these rungs – have influenced who you are today. The temporal systems, especially, have impacted how we perceive the world, ourselves, God, and others.

Keep in mind that this particular system plays more of a role than you might, on the conscious level, admit. We are most definitely influenced by our family of origin. This can work against you, however, if you have been in a familial environment that has not been what it should have been or needed to be during your developmental years. 

What does this have to do with confidence? I believe a huge percentage of your confidence – or lack of it – may have originated in your family of origin.

For instance, as an only child to older parents I wasn’t allowed to take risks. In all fairness, my (adopted) father got me out of my comfort zone and taught me how to dive (unsuccessfully) and ride a bike (successfully).

Somewhere along the way in our developmental years, perhaps we have *perceived* danger of some kind, thus affecting our ability to venture into relationships or situations knowing exactly who you are and being okay with that. And for some of you – I’m so sorry to say – have experienced trauma and abuse. How tragic! And it can come in varying forms – emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual, societal. Perhaps today you are living in fear, anxiety, or worry because of an event or events that occurred a long time ago. The past can certainly influence the present, but as growing, changing people, we don’t have to stay there! Nor does what happened in the past need to define us or destroy us.

I love this quote from Dr. Seuss: “When something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or let it strengthen you.”

I find it intriguing that in today’s culture and society, intersectionality has become quite popular. The more labels you can give yourself so as to recognize, highlight, and acknowledge how you’ve been discriminated against or been taken advantage of is the hallmark of today’s sociological framework. 

Let’s break it down a little bit….

If I were to live by the ascribed labels (sociological term) that I was born with and developmental years, they would be the following:

“Iranian/Persian/middle eastern; illegitimate; unwanted; abused (emotional, verbal); female/orphaned; immigrant”

It appears that in today’s society, people are actually feeling quite confident with intersectionality in that their ascribed, manmade labels are empowering them.

These earthly labels may be true, but I live by labels that transcend the temporary.

The problem in living from earthly labels is that you will forever see yourself as a victim. Ironically, it chains you to the past and from some of the very things you want to be free of.

I see myself as a victor. But it hasn’t always been that way…

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Personally, I don’t want to get stuck in the labels from the past. The only labels that give me confidence are the ones that God has spoken over me!

Confidence in WHO you are – back then!

Who you are from a personal standpoint.

Who you are from others’ standpoint.

I have a friend who really wanted me to hire a PI so I could prove – through DNA – about who I believe I am from an earthly perspective. 

I don’t need to prove it – genetically – even though the circumstantial evidence makes a strong case. 

It’s not the identity that matters! The royal family will continue to define me as illegitimate. From an earthly perspective this is true, but from a spiritual perspective, the only identity I need is the one God has spoken over me and you! Daughters of the King of Kings, not the shahanshah.

Because of our early experiences, we may not in fact have confidence! 

We may need to align our belief system about who we think we are against who God says we are! For many years, there was a huge disconnect for me.

I encourage you to take the first step in getting to know God instead of knowing about him.

This includes not only confidence in your physical being. I have learned and am still learning to embrace the one of a kind physical person that I am. Learn to work with what you’ve been given; highlight your assets in a good way; dress in a way that makes you feel confident and good about yourself rather than looking to fashion trends to determine your style.

Having confidence in yourself from others’ standpoint is simply to acknowledge what may occur:

1. You’re going to make mistakes.
2. You will get criticized.
3. You won’t be liked by everyone.
4. You need to accept what absolutely can’t be changed about your life.
5. Accept what you can’t change about yourself (backstory, personality, life events, experiences you had no control over)

Acknowledging these aforementioned things actually boosts your confidence and worth in yourself! Why? Because your worth isn’t based on pleasing people! Your confidence increases because things aren’t necessary for your value or your esteem.

Let’s move to the second category:

Confidence in WHAT life brings your way.

How do you gain confidence? If it wasn’t established early during the developmental years, then we have to take steps in growing our confidence.

How does that happen?

A. Action steps. 

Whether it’s something as learning a new craft, skill, or hobby, you take action steps.

B. Growth steps.

What about difficult situations?

Let’s revisit another set of concentric circles

The innermost circle is what you can do. These are things you may do on a daily basis that require nothing from anyone else. We are in our comfort zone in this circle. We aren’t in any need to stretch or grow because it’s what’s already in our proverbial wheel house or niche.

The second circle is what you can do with help. This is your growth zone. You may find yourself in a situation where you need someone to walk along beside you. Examples can be a relationship, new habits, lifestyle, everyday life challenges. 

It’s actually in this zone where our self esteem improves (respect for yourself).

Because you need help or assistance, your pride is actually destroyed, you learn to trust God, and you face your fears.

Most importantly of all, you challenge your previously held beliefs in this zone.

Not that it’s easy to acknowledge, but when we are presented with challenges or hardships that are out of our comfort zone, hopefully, we draw from a reservoir deep within our being that we didn’t know existed.

Many times, during these times, this becomes our greatest time of growth.
And what does this do to our confidence? Increases it.

Confidence in WHO you are – now!

1. Self Action: No learned helplessness; not dependent on an external force or agency

       Learning to be hopeful requires ACTION, not quitting.

2. Self-Talk  (Two Fold): Who God says you are; Who you say you are

      (“I can’t believe I’m going through this, but my worth and value are separate and apart from what it is I’m going through”)

     3. Self Focused: No comparisons!

       a. If you’re going through a tough time, get off social media.

       b. Stay focused on your life, not what you “think” is happening or not 

           happening in someone else’s!

4.  Self Awareness: Where do you need to grow? 

    Ex. Personality tests, MBPI, Enneagram

    **These are starting points, not excuses!

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In summary, when you know that you know that you know that your worth and value is determined by who God says you are, the truth is this:

This fallen world and fallen people can throw at you whatever comes your way, God can permissively allow whatever comes your way.

As your identity grows and becomes secure, so does your confidence in what you can do and what happens in your life. In fact, you may be able to handle it even better because you know in your heart and in your mind that whatever is happening isn’t because God is distant and doesn’t care. 

You will get through it. Your confidence in Him will grow while he grows your confidence in you. 

Who you are is separate and apart from what comes your way.

Meanwhile….

Lean in.

Don’t quit.

Learn to trust.

Ask for help.

Be obedient.

Change your mind (how you think).

Offer grace.

Walk into life’s challenges with GODFIDENCE! Walk with Godfidence in your backstory, in changing your story, for his glory.

Don’t forget whose you are: A daughter and son of the King of Kings!