IDENTITY & BODY IMAGE: DECISIONS, DECISIONS!

This is Shirene Gentry with the Identity Unveiled podcast. 

One of my first podcasts was entitled “Breaking the Cycle of Comparison”. Today, I’d like to delve further into that concept by talking about identity and body image. 

As I was finishing up this transcript, a national network was addressing the issue that people have become discontented with their looks since they’ve been on video calls for the last few months. 

An interesting note…I scoured the internet, Twitter, and a MFT friend to see if there were any existing resources about this very topic and, behold, I found nothing from a faith framework or standpoint in terms of books or articles. Why is this?

This podcast will address statistics, DNA, the battle between what’s real and what’s perceived, and solutions for getting on a healthy track, physically and mentally.

You may think I’ll be sharing a “yeah” or a “nay” because of my Christian faith, but I will not; rather, I’m giving you questions to ponder and areas to focus on as solutions toward the end of this podcast.

I think we need to discuss it, and here’s why:

STATISTICS

In 2019, the top 10 surgical procedures were: 

1. breast augmentation
2. liposuction
3. eyelid surgery
4. nose reshaping
5. facelift

The Minimally Invasive category included the following: 

Botox, filler, chemical peel, laser hair removal, and Intense Puled Light, a procedure that improves the color and texture of the skin.

The Reconstructive category included: tumor removal, laceration repair, maxillofacial surgery, scar revision, and hand surgery.

In addition, $16.7 billion was spent in 2019, and 92% of all cosmetic procedures were females.

(Statistics taken from plasticsurgery.org)

It’s total coincidence that I type my transcript after I had my first facial chemical peel this week. I am, after all, 58. I’m beginning to contemplate certain interventions. Furthermore, my hair gets colored on Friday. Hair day is always a good day, isn’t it?

Regardless of your age, consider the following questions:

Is this wrong? Is it okay? When does it become problematic?

I hope that this podcast will honestly give you insight as to what to contemplate and consider in going forward.

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WHAT WERE YOU BORN WITH? [DNA]

Obviously, what you were born with – your genetic identity – plays a major role in who you are today.

If you know my story, I published a book called Identity Unveiled after the shocking circumstantial evidence I discovered in 2017. The last piece of evidence refuted the story I had been told my entire life as I discovered that I’m 99.3% Persian.

Before I speak to my Persian characteristics, I wanted to share an interesting fact. I used 23andMe for my DNA test. I decided to download my raw data. What would it be like if I printed it? Can you guess how many 8×10 pages it was going to be? Go ahead, take a guess. 

Over 12,777 pages! This is a single spaced data download with all the combinations of DNA that make me ME. The same goes for you! There will never be another human like you. Even genetically identical twins aren’t the same due to their personalities and way of perceiving the world. So you truly are ONE OF A KIND.

Why does DNA matter and how does this affect body image?

On one count, I believe my biological father was the deposed shahanshah of Iran, Mohammad Reza Pahlavi. If you take any photo of him and put it alongside a current photo of me, there are facial characteristics that cannot be denied, in my opinion. In addition to that, I think I’m a carbon copy replica of his twin sister, Ashraf.

So when I look in the mirror, what do I see? I see his curly hair and – it can’t be denied – I certainly inherited the structure of his nose.

I’m tall (5’7”) even though he was a short man by all that I’ve read, but what is interesting to note is that the shah’s father was at least 6’4”, so I believe my height came from him.

You, like me, have obviously inherited physical traits from your family of origin. 

Before I pose questions for your consideration, keep in mind that there are outlier situations that I highly urge you to get professional help. This would include any kind of eating disorder. In addition, the extreme situation on the spectrum would be body dysmorphia. Individuals who meet criteria for this are preoccupied with an imagined physical defect or a minor defect that others cannot see (only the individual perceives the “defect”). They see themselves as ugly, avoid social exposure or going out, and have what seems to be never ending, multiple surgeries. 

The second point to consider – besides what you were born with – is…

Your perception of your body image is surely based on what you were given through your unique DNA, but we know that there is a bigger issue at hand.

THE BATTLE BETWEEN WHAT’S REAL & PERCEPTION

(There could be a combination of any of these that I mention)

1. Voices 

Who are the voices that have shaped your view, your perception of your genetic identity?  

In my last podcast I mentioned the temporal systems that shape our personality which can also shape how you see yourself. These temporal systems can include family, friends, trauma, culture just to name a few. 

Which voice yells the loudest? Or what about the silent voices of IG? This voice screams the loudest without a single sound. While researching for this podcast, articles are now surfacing about the negative effects of IG pointing out that it’s not about what your body actually is, it’s the perception of your body alongside what you think to be reality.

I just finished watching a short television clip of a woman who holds the world record for plastic surgery (52 surgeries). Only 14 out of the 52 were procedures that required anesthesia.

What struck me was that she had never forgotten a voice from the past – a childhood peer – who had made a comment about her nose and chin. 

My mom was a voice from the past that truly affected my self-esteem and body image.

When I took my concerns as a teenage girl to my mom, her only reply was “When you’re old enough we will get plastic surgery”. More specifically, I’d love to have nose reshaping, but I figure at this point it isn’t the thing that bothers me the most when I look in the mirror.

Here are two questions to get you thinking:

1. Which negative voice from the past has spoken too loudly?
2. Is it currently the silent voice of IG now?
3. Today, when you look in the mirror, a) which body part would you change and b) on a scale of 1 – 10, to what degree does it bother you?

2. Void

Just as there are voices that shape us, what about the voids? Is there something from your past that you legitimately should have gotten but did not? Were you not affirmed while growing up? This isn’t about blame, simply awareness and insight that there may have been a need that should have been met but wasn’t. And I’m referring to positive emotional needs as well as having strong and secure attachments. 

I want to mention this part of my own story…Aside from my actual physical appearance, God needed to heal the inner parts of who I am who didn’t have legitimate emotional needs met as a young and teenage girl. 

What’s interesting to note as that during these formative years when I felt very insecure and not in the popular crowd, I wore very conservative clothing, small jewelry, etc. What’s fascinating is that once I became healed on the inside, I became more confident on the outside!

I now love fun, sometimes trendy clothes with fun jewelry – real and costume – that I never would have worn 30-40 years ago!

Please consider what voids may exist and what would be steps you could take to remedy that? I would highly recommend a counselor, a life coach, a trusted friend, your spouse, etc.

To that point, one huge shift I starting making in my confidence was hearing my husband’s voice while we were dating – and everyday since we’ve been married – how beautiful he thinks I am. It’s a loud voice. It’s the voice I give weight and credence to. As well as those of my family and close friends, and young women I’ve mentored. I’m thankful for the voices that have filled the voids and still speak to my soul.

3. Veer

How do we veer off track but, more importantly, how do we veer back in the direction we need to go?

1. Social Media has a huge role, unfortunately (veering off track)

If you aren’t aware already, you can change your photos before you post. I was recently made aware from a young woman who had traveled to the west coast that in her small group of friends during the visit, some of these young woman (under 30) had already had plastic surgery and/or botox.

So if people are posting altered photos, what does that say to how we perceive their posts? And to what degree are you bothered by what you see because you perceive you can’t or don’t measure up? 

What would it take for you to rid yourself of this comparison?

What keeps you from deleting these people from your feed?

GET ON THE RIGHT TRACK

Now what?

Questions for consideration:

1. Is there one area or focal point or are there several points of change?
2. Rate the degree to which it bothers you (1 – 10).
3. What are your motives if you were to make a change of some kind?

This would include any of the prior 3 categories I mentioned at the beginning of the podcast.

Ex. I was caregiver to my (adopted) parents while I was in my 30s. I had no idea how to manage stress, draw boundaries, or even knew what self care was. Consequently, I wore my stress between my eyes. For several years after they died, I noticed that heavy wrinkle between my eyebrows every single time I looked in the mirror. So I finally decided (rate a 10) that it bothered me enough to seek options for that caregiving wrinkle. 

My motive: it’s for me. It’s not for you, it’s not for my friends, it’s not for others’ perceptions, and it’s certainly not for social media. I simply wanted to get rid of it. So the important question becomes, are you doing this for you because it bothers you that much, or are you doing it for others’ perceptions? Why do others’ opinions matter so much? This is a deeper issue for you to address.

Several years ago I heard someone say that they felt like they shouldn’t get work done on their face, in a particular area, because she felt like God didn’t want her to be prideful. 

That’s between you and God. These are your motives for doing any kind of intervention. 

FROM THIS POINT FORWARD: FOCUS!

Regardless of your age, how can we start accepting our bodies in a healthy way, even if we choose to do some kind of intervention with, hopefully, the right motives? You may or may not agree with me on these points, and that is okay. I hope – and my only goal – is for you to think critically and honestly about any type of procedure and, most importantly, to examine your motives for doing so.

Let me add that some of the mentions in the reconstruction category are for physical and dental health. 

Here’s my list and this is your life coaching homework:

1.   Focus on what you DO like about yourself when you look in the mirror. 

Come on, now. I literally want you to shift your focus from what you have become accustomed to not liking to shifting to what you do. Andstand there long enough until you do! 

This is going to be a new, learned behavior. Your confidence in your body image will gradually and slowly, but surely, occur once you shift where focus.

In time, this will truly be habitual (21 days or so). Do not give up on changing your focus. You’ve defaulted to what you think are your problem areas for too long, so give this new behavior a chance to become rooted and engrained.

2.   Focus on HEALTH. 

Rather than obsessing over the latest diet, fad, or quick fix, focus on LONG TERM SUSTAINABILITY. Also consider what runs in your family. It’s not a determinant. You can flip that epigenetic switch with your lifestyle choices, so please talk to your health care provider about preventative care rather than the quick default of medication after you’ve been diagnosed with a particular condition.

What does long term, over the long haul health look like? Is it deleting bread? Bad carbs? Sugar? 

Focus on the pattern of your eating, not the exceptional times of birthdays,holidays, etc.

I do not and never will understand the social media craze to include women who aren’t healthy.  The focus is in the wrong place! It shouldn’t be “that’s who I am”, it should be “what lifestyle choices do I need to make to be the in the best health I can be?”

Remember: The absence of disease is not health! We should live intentionally with sleep, what we eat, and how we exercise as a pattern that takes priority. We will reap the cumulative effect from this point forward! Keep at it! 

If you’re looking for a start, grab my Change Unveiled book available on Amazon as two of the chapters include questions for you to start makingshifts in your eating and exercise. I never exercised until after college. 

3.  Focus on ASSETS. 

That’s right. Your physical assets.What are they? Your hair? Your legs? Your waistline? You can certainly take pride in your appearance to play up your assets without being prideful. Be fashionable without flaunting!

Back to my hair. I now really like my hair. I still struggle with it, but there are now products and tools for me to smooth that natural curl that has now allowed me to accept my hair and consider it an asset.

 4.  Focus on FASHION. 

Styles and clothes that work for your body type rather than what is considered “in” or trendy. What kind of clothes compliment? Don’t purchase an outfit because an influencer is wearing it. Give yourself more credit than that! What looks good on YOU, not them? If you need assistance with this, I have a friend who is a fashion stylist. Email me and I’ll provide her contact information.

 If you’re curious, I’d love for you to check out my “Fashion Fit for a Princess” podcast where I discuss topics of interest with a friend ofmine who is a fashion stylist. 

5.  Focus on your FACE.

That’s right. Your skin: drink water; your teeth: cosmetic dentistry does wonders for confidence and self-esteem; fix your hair! Get a makeover. Ask a stylist about clothes and hair. Go ahead and whiten those teeth. Or talk to your dentist about veneers or crowns. This is not a prideful thing in the least!

6. Focus on the TOTALITY of who you are – inside and out. 

You are certainly way more than just what someone sees! How shortchanging to think of yourself only from the outside.

Life and what we all go through tends to strengthen our inner confidence if we don’t become bitter. I focus on the person I am and the body I have. I am a steward. So are you!

And for some of us – myself included – realize that your body will change 

over time. It’s a fact. But that doesn’t mean you do nothing! I have to  

work much harder now than I ever have up to this point. But my body, per 

scripture, is a temple, and it’s up to me and only me to care for it. I will have a future podcast specifically for middle aged women. 

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In summary, take good care of your physical and your inner self. When you take care of both, the result will be unbridled confidence that can’t help be seen. Stand tall. Be the version of yourself that no-one else can be. If you proceed with a procedure, ask the questions I posed earlier. 

I’d love to hear from you! Please email me at hopeunveiled@gmail.com for questions and comments.

And when you hear from me next time, I will have had my roots colored. 🙂